I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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