What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He felt like a one man threesome
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
