No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
