I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
