id be glad to
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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