i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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