Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
