oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
