Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
