Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
