My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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