and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
