I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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