new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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