I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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