and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
