Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
