that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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