Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
