you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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