He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
