I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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