TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
