she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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