Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
