Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
