i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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