Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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