hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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