How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
