I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
