By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
