I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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