She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
