I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
