Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
