Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
