I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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