I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
