Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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