I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
