Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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