I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
