what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize