I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
