you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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