Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize