okay pat passed out under dana's car
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
