i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
