Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
