He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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