some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
