Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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