I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
