in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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