Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
