My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
