some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
