You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
