it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
