You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
