If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
