i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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