1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
