She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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