My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
