Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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