I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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